Spam for posterity

Last night Blogger sent me notification of three new comments. "I love an audience," I thought to myself and quickly clicked the links.

Where can the most germs be present in an business office atmosphere? The solution will be the washrooms . . . The greater specifics it is possible to glean the better position ...

Gua Hu wrote in a style allied with the early Chinese instruction manualists, Google translators, and my stats textbook.

It truly is crucial to make sure the footwear that you will be donning are cleanse so as to not produce a large amount of consideration that ... your flip flops to lose form.An additional method may be the usage of an outdated toothbrush as well as a detergent that cleans properly. 

I started to wonder how carefully Mrs. Hu had read the posts since her responses didn't seem totally pertinent. Still I read on.

It is a very good thing on account of the truth that a single does not have to keep on investing on getting new kinds every single at times.Another excellent technique will be the use of beach front sand and salty water. This can be a technique that not everyone is accustomed to nevertheless it operates miracles. Once you scrub the white havaianas using the beach front sand and rinse them with the salt water, you happen to be likely to find out an excellent big

Then it occurred to me that Gua's comments weren't a direct response to my posts at all. It was freestyle poetry inspired by the tone, not the content of my work. The unlikely sentence structure and word choice shook me from  my dead-eyed screen stare and I felt like applauding.

Don't believe the Obamney debates. Spam, not fossil fuel, is our country's greatest under-exploited resource. Every day millions of pages of trash text are generated, containing thousands of evocative metaphors that are effectively anonymous and free for the taking. As Bono says, "Every artist is a cannibal, every poet a thief." Spam is a robbers feast.


The origin of the term Spam is indeed this Monty Python sketch (for real).

There are different flavors in this genre, some more fruitful than others. Some messages are just a link or a single phrase while others draw you into a world where you are the millionaire you've always known you deserved to be. Your Dutch uncle is finally dead, you have a fortune in Japanese Yen, your sexual performance is enhanced naturally, and everybody urgently needs your password since your PayPal account is perpetually compromised. If you get a lot of spam and are feeling vengeful, check out this This American Life episode about scam-baiting, where a couple spammees become the spammers.

Here are a few examples from my "Spam for Posterity" email folder:

Spam type: Terse and mysterious
From: Sir Aben Ahmed
Subject line: Re
Message: Did you receive my last email? 
Comments: Sometimes less is more. A short lie is easier to This one had me looking for old messages.

Spam type: Money request
From: Dr. Sun
Subject line: Urgent help needed
Message: Hello, I'm sorry I didn't inform you about my trip to Madrid Spain. Unfortunately I was mugged at gunpoint, at the hotel park I'm staying. My cell phone, cash and credit card was stolen in the process and I immediately file a report to the Police, but they seems to be taking things too slow. My flight leaves in few hrs from now and I need a quick loan to settle the hotel bills and my transport to the airport. I will reimburse immediately I arrive back home safely. I hope you get this on time and get back to me asap
Comment: I know Dr. Sun and this came from her account. It is unfortunate that she didn't tell me about her trip to Madrid or mention my name in her urgent request.


Spam type: Money offer
From: Mrs Elizabeth Etters
Subject: Dear Friend
Message: Dear Friend I am Mrs Elizabeth Etters, a devoted christian. I have a
foundation/Estate uncompleted {worth sum of USD 2,142,728.00 Dollars} and need
somebody to help me finish it because of my health,Everything is available.
Comment: Like in life, people appealing to your religious sympathies by emphasizing shared religious or cultural beliefs are probably trying to cheat you. Also, "uncompleted" is the stupid way of saying incomplete.

Spam type: Professional development
From: Vladimir A. Kontar
Subject Line: Invitation to be Author of Book
Message: Dear Colleague, We are preparing the book "Imbalance of Water in Nature":

Part 1: What is the Imbalance of Water in Nature?

1.1. The theory of the Imbalance of Water in Nature.

1.2. Creators of the Imbalance of Water in Nature.

1.3. Measurement and modeling for the imbalance of water in nature.

Comment: This message went on and on with specific requirements and polished text, including fake URLs from the American Geophysical Union. I've been surprised by the amount of "we want to publish your research" spam I've received. Just another reminder that they know what you hope for, and what you are insecure about and therefore likely to be gullible about!

I've left Gua's free-association poetry in the comments of Shaggy Manes, Obligatory Presidential Debate Post, and Winter Biking, though I wouldn't recommend clicking on the links therein.

Winter Biking in Alaska

While I stomped back and forth between the office and the lab yesterday the snow finally stuck. Ingrid and I went sledding last night and it's supposed to fall until Thursday. I've gotten two phone calls since the snow started from summer bikers interested in pedaling through the winter. There are lots of great winter biking resources out there (check out the Fairbanks Cycle Club's site as a place to start) but everybody does it a little differently so I thought I'd show you what works for me here in Fairbanks Alaska.

For the torso and legs, you need less covering than you probably think. Heat buildup can be just as problematic as heat retention so proper venting is as important as insulation. I basically wear the same outfit over my core from 20 above to 50 below. I put on whatever I'm going to wear at the office and then put this stuff on top (from the top clockwise): 

1. Marmot winter jacket. A real winter shell with pit-zips is better than a rain jacket or windbreaker because the fabric doesn't get brittle in the extreme cold. 
2. Stoic Softshell pants. I like softshell pants because they stretch and breath (and keep the naughty bits from dangling too far in the frosty air).
3. Safety vest. Brightens any ensemble.
4. Patagonia R3 fleece. Any breathable midlayer will do.

Your hands and feet will need more protection than you think. I tried all sorts of mittens and boots and finally settled on this setup.

1. Michael Jackson shiny liner gloves. The tinsel in these is supposed to reflect your body heat back. I just think it adds fabulous when you do jazz hands. Any thin glove will work.
2. OR Alti Mitts. Lots of people use Pogies (overmitts that attach to your handlebars). I have a couple different bikes that I switch between and none have flat handlebars so I prefer mittens. I called up my friends Chad and Christie who had just climbed Denali and asked for the warmest mitten they knew of and they recommended these. My fingers still get a little cold below -30 but I have XLs and they are big enough that I can make a fist to warm the digits. I also just picked up a pair of Mountain Hardwear Masherbrum mittens that seem like they will be as warm as the Alti Mitts, though they are a lot bulkier.
3. Addidas neoprene overshoe. Pretend like you're the cool kid on the block and keep your toes warm. I add these below -20.
4. Lake insulated winter cycling shoes. The key here is room for socks. I got a size 13.5 (I usually wear size 11) and they are perfect with a thin sock liner, one normal pair of wool socks, and one mountaineering pair. They also look like Batman's personal cycling shoe. If I ever get tired I just look down and pretend like Bruce Wayne is pedaling the bike. 

1.  After snotting in a plethora of balaclava's I finally found one that worked for me made by Turtle Fur. Key features are: an eye opening small enough your goggles will cover it, a breathing flap that blocks the wind to your lips but allows free air flow, and a neck long enough to tuck into your fleece. This model had all those features, though I did sew a twisty tie into the breathing flap to keep it from clamshelling shut in the wind (you feel like a drowning scuba diver when your air gets cut off and your hands are covered). On a side note, many people claim you can frostbite your lungs. Given the tiny volume of air and large thermal volume of mouth and lung tissue I think this is physically impossible. I think that some people have problems breathing in extreme cold due to the desiccated air (cold air can't hold much water) which dries out their mouth and throat. A mouth flap will trap some warm moist air near your lips and do a world of good. I wear this setup when it's lower than 15. Warmer than that I wear normal sunglasses with a piece of windproof material duct-taped to the bridge as a nose guard, and a headband to protect my ears. Lots of people wear less than I do on their face/eyes but my skin is sensitive.            
2. Scott goggles. The key here is that they interface with your helmet and cover the whole Balaclava hole (I ended up with cute little triangle frostbite on my temples when I tried to skimp). 
3. Giro Omen helmet. I like using this ski helmet because it has adjustable vents you can open and close even with mittens on. Lots of people just use a conventional bike helmet over their balaclava. Most helmets are adjustable enough that you won't need to size up to fit your thin hat or balaclava.

Me with my custom nose flap glasses. See, cold weather safety can be functional and fashionable.

Lots of different lights out there. I wanted something bright and rechargeable that works at any temperature.

1. Cygolite Hotshot. This is the best taillight out there in my opinion. It recharges with a USB cable and lasts for weeks on a single charge. It also has an adjustable blink (you choose how fast you want it to be). It's twice as bright as anything in its price range. You can usually find one on Amazon for $30.
2. Ultrafire C1 from www.dx.com. Bike specific headlights can cost $500. This flashlight costs $17.70 and ships for free. It takes 18650 rechargeable lithium ion polymer batteries so you have to pick up a pair of batteries and a charger (an extra $10). It puts out almost as much light as a car headlight and lasts two hours on a charge (on high mode). Make sure to get a bike mount for it so you can put it on your handlebar or helmet. The C1 isn't the only one that works from dx, just find something that is well reviewed and it will be fine. The first time I went to the site I was sure they were going to steal my credit card number but they are actually totally reputable (though shipping from Hong Kong does take several weeks). They also make bike specific lights that review well.
3. I also put together a helmet mounted light with a battery pack that I can put in my pocket. I like having a helmet light so I can see around corners and flash cars that I think don't see me.
4. Third Eye Pro helmet mirror. Get one. After using it you'll feel naked without it (and naked at -40 only feels good for a minute). This lets you watch each car as it passes and decide if you need to get farther off the road. Seriously, get one.
5. Another Cygolite for the helmet. I had a man stop one time and tell me he thought I was a cop because of all the flashing. People slow down when they think you're a cop.

The last item of discussion is your bike. You don't need a fatbike or a 29er to commute through the winter. A normal mountain bike (or even touring bike) will be totally sufficient if you pay attention to two things.

1. First thing is your tires. I rode my first two winters on studded tires (Nokian extremes) and my second two on conventional mountain bike tires. To be honest I didn't notice much of a difference. Here in Fairbanks where we encounter more packed snow than ice normal mountain bike tires work fine. They also work better than studded tires if you're going to be riding on snow-covered trails as well since they are softer and stay on top of the snow better. You do want something with aggressive tread, and if you get into mucky stuff remember to let some air out (lower pressure will vastly improve handling).
2. Second is your freehub. What's a freehub you say? It's the part in your rear wheel that lets your bike coast. Take away your freehub and you've got a fixed gear bicycle (and nobody wants that right). In extreme cold the grease in your freehub sometimes gets so thick that it starts acting like a fixed gear (your pedals will rotate as you roll forward even if you aren't pedaling). Most hubs won't fail even at very low temperatures, they just get stiff. If you're not picky about how your bike rides you are probably fine. As a bike snob, in my opinion it is worth changing the grease in your freehub. You can do this yourself conventionally (freehub winterization) or with Morningstar's Freehub Buddy but either option is mechanically involved. If you're not comfortable taking apart your bottom bracket and front hub then don't mess with the rear hub. It'll cost you $30-50 bucks to have a bike shop do it but it's money well spent. 

I remember the first time I biked to campus at -30 along Farmer's Loop. Road conditions, air temp, dark, and big mean pickup trucks had me super intimidated and nervous. It's normal to feel that way at the beginning but you'll find after just a couple rides that with a little preparation, biking at -40 can be a comfortable and fun adventure.

Obligatory presidential debate post

It's hard to really listen to both sides in a presidential debate if you strongly sympathize with one contender from the beginning. But if you can suspend your preference (if only for two minutes), while the debate won't likely change your vote, it might change your life.

In the debate last night I tried to sit in the middle and feel the wind. In this zen state, detached from what I've been taught to think about big or small government, the lukewarm reasoning washed over my tired mind like a jet in a hot-tub. About a minute into the response of either candidate I could feel a deep-down shift as the hodgepodge of technically true treatise gelled and got traction. It's like the "key change" moment in a Country song after the third verse or the rest before the hook of a good Pop song--it gives you shivers.

"That's right, I don't want a 'trickle-down' federal solution. My grass wants roots!"
"Interesting, we do need a balanced approach. He's just too extreme."

High level politicians use language like a canoe paddle, quietly slipping it into your mind to push you forward and change your direction.

In last week's New Yorker, Jill Lepore's article The Lie Factory told the story of the first political consulting firm, Campaigns Inc, in 1933. Among other things, they defeated Upton Sinclair (socialist writer gone Democratic politician) when he ran for governor of California. Campaigns Inc also helped turn public opinion against Harry Truman's public health care plan. Before the smear campaign, nine out of ten voters supported the plan. After their ads, four out of five opposed it. Lepore quotes Clem Whitaker, co-founder of Campaigns Inc,

"The more you have to explain, the more difficult it is to win support. . . . Words that lean on the mind are no good, they must dent it. . . . A wall goes up when you try to make Mr. and Mrs. Average American Citizen work or think."

So back to the leaning and denting of last night's debate. To be honest, I loved it. It was like after preparing both the "for" and "against" cases in high school debate class. You know more about the issue and are less confident of your opinion. One of the problems in finding the best route forward is the surplus of data, polls, and statistics. There are so many real patterns in our complex socio-economic system that multiple cogent but mutually exclusive lines of reasoning can be developed. The system is too big to be understood all at once, and piecemeal analysis almost always misleads. Pair this with the fact that we, Mr. and Mrs. American Citizen, inherent most of our opinions from our parents and base most of the rest on sound bites and talking points, and you've got a strange flavor of democracy.

My Jr. High journalism teacher and family friend Lisa often quoted Mencken, "For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple . . . and wrong."

To my surprise, at an hour of nodding along with both candidates I actually felt a little bit excited about whoever is president next. Surely some of this is because of too much canoe paddle in the brain, but maybe some of it is high school debate wisdom. I like the iPhone in Obama and the Blackberry in Romney. I like the Stake President in Romney and the law professor in Obama. I like that Obama is Black. I like that Romney is Mormon.

At the end of the day, I see energy and climate change as the most pressing issues facing our country and the world so I will vote for Obama. Also Romney's "Avenger's" style position on ramping up military spending turns me off. So there we have it. I will vote, you will vote, and a couple other people will vote and the person who gets the most might become president.